Sobering Up: Helena

In the Autumn of 2022, I decided to try going sober for several weeks - not a difficult feat for some, but having been a social drinker for years, this would have been the longest I’d been completely without alcohol since I could remember. I began talking to people about sobriety, researching more into it, and slowly discovered how many people in my social circles were either sober curious like me, or already ‘sober’ (I use this word lightly, because I’ve found it can be quite subjective, and doesn’t have to necessarily imply 100% abstinence). In having these discussions, I decided to embark on a photojournalistic project to tell some of these friends’ stories, photographing them in locations that felt particularly poignant to them in their journey.

I unfortunately only photographed two subjects for the project that year, as life got in the way, I moved cities in 2023, and I also started drinking and partying as I did before. However, now in 2025, I’m again exploring sobriety for myself, and have decided to pick the project up.

My second subject was Helena Kuntz - one of my very close friends, and with whom I spent a great deal of my 20’s with.

Please note that the below account is from 2023, and all in Helena’s own words.

Helena’s Story

My current relationship with substances is complex. I am new to recovery - although I’ve tried to quit, or wanted to, many times before. However this time I’ve taken it more seriously and put myself in rehab a few months ago. My problems with addiction are strongly related to my mental health (I am diagnosed with BPD and ADHD), meaning I’m going through a very transitional period in my life. I am constantly analysing my triggers and learning new ways to manage my emotions, learning how to deal with them properly rather than reaching for drugs in order to dissociate, which is what I’d been doing for so many years. I’d numb myself and left everyone else around me to deal with the outcome of my drug and alcohol fueled projections. My addiction has often left me frustrated and angry with myself, however I am so grateful for the self awareness and exploration that recovery has brought, and is still bringing me.

There have been many points in the past when I wanted to get sober - you would think that hospitalisations, extreme pain, losing friends, almost getting kicked out of circus school, and ruining my reputation at work would be enough to make me actually change. But what really made the difference was realising I would never have a family of my own if I continued like this, and could never become a therapist (something I am now studying for) to help other people in active addiction, if I was still an addict myself.

I’ve now been in recovery for 4 months, and haven’t touched my drug of choice in 3 months. I chose not to go completely ‘T-total’ - I still allow myself a drink occasionally, although I have to really keep on top of this. I am relatively new to the ‘recovery life’ and am still figuring out my boundaries... so may eventually realise that even the occasional glass of wine isn’t worth it anymore. I just did a month of no booze to prove to myself that I could do it, and now plan to do a ‘1 month on/1 month off’ pattern with this, using it to keep an eye on my behaviour patterns. I still am a regular weed smoker, but my relationship with this feels much different, as I feel it helps me in many ways and has never been detrimental to my health, work or life in the way that other drugs or alcohol have. I believe in our own personal journeys, only we know what does or does not work for us.

I chose the warehouse district, where I used to live periodically, for us to do our shoot. This was also where a lot of my dealers were based, where I used to train in aerial acrobatics (before nearly being kicked out when I showed up to class high…), and really the main hub of all my drug-fueled escapades. Really though, I’d be doing drugs anywhere and everywhere - trains, pubs, cafes, street corners, and even my family home. While this place holds a lot of bad memories for me, it is also home to a beautiful community of people. My dream, once I’ve qualified as a therapist, is to open a private practice in this area, to help other addicts.

I work a lot in the party and events world, which can be incredibly testing, however non-alcoholic drinks like ‘no-secco’ have been a total lifesaver for me. It’s also important for me to be open and honest about my journey in these situations - I’ve found people can be so helpful and considerate if you're just brutally honest.